>finding a friend inside you is actually a good thing !! i am now having more dialogues inside my head and sorting out things there rather than excitedly telling A or some other people about it and then starting the whole spiral of analysis, arguments, counter arguments, blaming, accusations and counter accusations ….. what a spiral. now when i feel that the head is buzzing too strongly and people sitting around me can hear them, i walk about, get a glass of water, think of a song, visualise nice things …. actually feel more empowered within myself by doing all these … it helps me get a grip on my bitterness, my caustic criticisms and contempt of others, my disapproval, my disappointments and my hurt feelings. OK, the down side is that the dialogue or monologue becomes lengthier and sometimes, i have to ask “who is it who is talking just now”; scary, sounds like i am going mad? nah,
>reconfigurring ……..
>to begin with i wonder whether i have anything to write? may be, may be not. Hmmmm, there is an internal feeling that i am ignoring and trying hard to remain untouched by it. so, who have I been in the past three to four days? partly me that i recognise, partly me that i wish to reconfigure. for example in conversations with people, i can hear my repartees or responses or opinions inside my head but i am not expressing them. it is a kind of experimentation but also is kind of fun. Fun is being in control and not being this blabbermouth, putting your dirty foot in your mouth, being the loud, obnoxious, hurting creature who others rather avoid. it makes me a little distant, little cold but i think it is worth it. why would i want to express my opinion so freely, or blurt out what am i thinking or feeling to others just like that?
Sarbari's Blog 