I was taking a walk this evening in the walking area of the complex where I live. Cool, breezy air was sweeping my face and hair, evening was just setting in, children were playing around making happy sounds, young mothers were gathering around to chit-chat with each other. The sky wore a pensive look, as though it was finishing the last bit of chore before going off to sleep. The trees looked sombre in unison against the grey backdrop of the sky.
I was listening to a nice soft piece of music which sang about the past in a lilting tone …….. As I was walking alone, I had this sudden urge to talk to people who were far away from me. To talk to them, to ask them how they were, to share with them what was happening my life, to just hear their voices, to connect with people who were a part of me. Usually, in these moments the first person I think of is my daughter and I knew she was busy at the moment.
What happened thereafter was a bit strange. I just let myself go to imagine all the people I wished to talk to; immediately some five or six faces floated around in my mind and then I realised, they are all dead and gone long time ago.
My heart ached as I started to converse with them in my head – me as I am in my present and they as they were, in their past. As I was having these imaginary conversations, I realised that my real ache was not that they were not alive, but that I was not with them, as though my home belonged with them.
This brought me back to my present and I wondered whether this is what I do most of the time, look at the present as transient, either a continuation of the past or a pathway to the future? Either way, the present moment then does not exist for itself, it exists for what was and for what could be.
What do I do with the present then? Do I even know when I am in it?
Does it happen to you? What do you do with your present?
9 thoughts on “In the present”
What a wonderful experience, Sharbori. I haven’t really lost anyone so close to me, but I do imagine sometimes my grandparents looking down at me and wondering whether they’re happy with the way I turned out. But that’s entirely different from your feeling I understand. Your question at the end really struck me. Do I even know that I’m in the present….? A few years ago, I dwelt in the past, and these days I some times dwell in the future, but most often I do live in the present and love it.
Dear dear Corinne,
as usual you are always there to read my blog and post your response. did I ever tell you I love you? well, I am saying it now. 🙂
When I was reading your comment, it brought tears to my eyes, felt very touched by your experience and for your understanding.
When i forget everything and when there is attention in what iam doing – i get in touch with my liveliness.When there is no dishonesty , and when there is action without prejudicies ,no reference of the past, i experience a flow and in this experience i enjoy the presence. Action to me is living in presence and not thinking and feeling.
I read your post and immediately i am posting my response . To me this is action and experiencing the presence.
When i read and listened to your post i experienced a fresh air in myself and the evocation to respond is living the present.
Can i say the way in which i give meaning to the present is action with attention and focus. (Similiar to way in whch Sachin waits to receive a fast bowler and caresses the ball subsequently).
Dear Shiva, lovely response and thank you for reading my blog.
“When i forget everything and when there is attention in what iam doing – i get in touch with my liveliness.When there is no dishonesty , and when there is action without prejudicies ,no reference of the past, i experience a flow and in this experience i enjoy the presence”
This I think captures how you live in the present beautifully. Honesty and sans reference to either past or present, are the key I think.
Very nice and thought provoking post.
Sometimes the rigidity of past and the present softens and you aren’t sure where you are or where you’d like to be.
Though such moments also get you in touch with ‘yourself’. Maybe the definitions don’t really matter till you allow yourself to experience it all and you’ll realize that the world is much more fluid than we thought.
Thank you cu and welcome to my blog. will look forward to more from you. 🙂
Though I’d like to add that its very well written, simple yet inquisitive.
The struggle to be in the now..I am always in the distant future of eventualities that may never happen..i liked the introspective existential question..
Thank you Sampath for your comment and for visiting my blog.